Wow! I knew it had been a while since I posted but seeing the February date is a little startling. These last months are not ones I like to remember in many ways, but in other ways they have been joyous months. When I think of all that has happened I feel a little amazed that we're present and mostly thriving.
First things first...a number of folks have asked about the blog and a why I'm not updating about John so I will update you about John. While I'd like to report that this nightmare has finally ended, it has not. I am happy to say that in spite of (or because of - depending on your perspective) 22 weeks of chemo infusions and a hospital stay for neutropenic fever, John is faring pretty well. The last tests indicated his tumor marker had dropped to 6.3 (2-ish would be the best) and there was significant improvement in his PET scan. This is all good news and I think the end of infusions came at a very good time as we were getting pretty weary. John continues with oral Xeloda (chemo) on a week-on/week-off schedule. He is certainly not as miserable as he was with the infusions but it does have side effects. Right now he is having some trouble with hand/foot syndrome where the capillaries leak blood into the extremities. This can be dangerous but the oncologist is making adjustments to his chemo and we hope this helps. He also goes every three weeks for an infusion of Elastin which is an antibody that helps shrink tumors. His major complaint (of which he does little) is neuropathy. He has little feeling in his fingers and hands. He has trouble with small motor skills and feels like he is walking barefoot on gravel all the time. He gets pretty winded but is working on walking to the end of the street and back several times each day. He saves his energy for working a few hours each day (ANYBODY NEED ROOFING/SIDING/WINDOWS/DOORS??); lovin' on me with his kind, appreciative, and encouraging words; and being an encouragement to folks via phone and facebook.
The chemo infusions pretty much ate the entire summer while hopefully eating away at the cancer, and unfortunately also eating away at the healthy parts of his body and life as we had hoped it would be. Still, while the cancer has taken many things, it has not diminished the love we have for one another, our children, and our families. While it has added a level of sorrow, it has also created within us a new dimension of person that we never would have achieved otherwise. Do we want to be these new people? Yes. Would we have liked to have gotten there without this terrific person enduring all that he has? DOUBLE YES!!
Both of our children are now married to wonderful mates and we're so thankful they have made such great choices and that we now have four kids instead of two. I always wanted more kids! So yes, in the last year we have had two weddings and would never have made it through all the preparations without wonderful friends and family. Our best friends, Reeves, noted that between us, we have done five weddings in three years for our two families! Good times.
Because this post is long past pithy, I'll attempt to wind up, try to post more frequently and try to explain why I stopped posting. While I don't understand why God allows some things to happen, I don't doubt that He is in control. I would like to say that I live victoriously each day but in all honesty, most days I barely felt like I was holding myself together. I retreated. I retreated as far as I could and still maintain a semblence of normalcy to folks. I avoided the phone because I couldn't control the phone. I avoided facebook because I couldn't control their chatter and inquiries. I avoided as much social interaction as I possibly could. I couldn't stop crying and sometimes I felt hate and rage for the stuff people asked me or the way they asked. Our home was a haven and I was able to shut myself off enough that I thought I might not go crazy from the noise that cancer created in my head. That even sounds kooky to me. I think I wanted to burrow into our nest so deep, even a mommy bird couldn't find me.
Am I better. Yep. I pray I stay in this better place but mostly I pray for healing for John.
If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer."
(Matthew 21:22)
“pray about everything” (Philippians 4:6), “pray continually”, (1 Thessalonians 5:17), and “be in constant prayer” (Romans 12:12)
Thanks for reading and caring and mostly thanks for praying.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Mr. Incredible and My Hero
Just a quick update requesting continued prayer as John has blood work and scans this week. We'll see the oncologist next Wednesday, Feb. 23 for results. It is always very unsettling waiting for any news and we appreciate your prayers. There are so many people battling cancer and our prayer board in the kitchen seems to grow with new needs.
Meanwhile, John is Mr. Incredible and goes to the gym three days per week for a full workout and often additional days for a walk. He really is my hero and his wonderful attitude is such a blessing. He keeps me going.
In addition to shoveling us and my parents out on a weekly+ basis and making my way to work, I'm in the midst of planning our daughter's wedding as Audrey will be married on Sunday, May 16. This is a really busy time.
Mostly, we are thankful for each day to enjoy one another. I apologize for not having good words of encouragement. While we continue to attend church and very much look forward to the history of the Bible class we're currently involved in, I really do struggle with things that are difficult for even me to explain.
Meanwhile, John is Mr. Incredible and goes to the gym three days per week for a full workout and often additional days for a walk. He really is my hero and his wonderful attitude is such a blessing. He keeps me going.
In addition to shoveling us and my parents out on a weekly+ basis and making my way to work, I'm in the midst of planning our daughter's wedding as Audrey will be married on Sunday, May 16. This is a really busy time.
Mostly, we are thankful for each day to enjoy one another. I apologize for not having good words of encouragement. While we continue to attend church and very much look forward to the history of the Bible class we're currently involved in, I really do struggle with things that are difficult for even me to explain.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Bayless Fans
John and I love Bayless Conley. He is pastor to a church in Los Alamitos, CA, very near to John's parent's home. We can't wait to visit his church next time we're fortunate enough to visit SoCal.
Below is his weekly e-mail message that we receive. Thought it was particularly practical today.
Winning an Offended Brother
Proverbs 18:19 tells us,
A brother offended is harder to win than a strong city, And contentions are like the bars of a castle.
When this verse refers to a “strong city,” it means a fortified or a guarded city. You cannot just waltz up to the gate of a fortified city and say “give up.” It takes strategic planning to take such a city. You have to think things through and have a plan.
It also means there is going to be strenuous effort involved. And, more than likely, you will be in a vulnerable position. In fact, you don't take a strong city without taking risks, without becoming vulnerable.
The same things come into play when a brother is offended. It takes thoughtful planning, it takes effort, and sometimes you have to become vulnerable when you do not want to be.
Perhaps you are struggling with a damaged relationship today, and you haven't pursued healing this relationship because you don't know how to do it. It always starts with prayer. You talk to God about them and about yourself, and then you need to go and talk to them.
When you do, I want you to listen carefully, it should not be with a view to prove that you are right. Being right is not the goal. Peace is. Most of the time it is more important to be kind than it is to be right.
If you try to work something out, but only with the intention of having them understand your point of view so that you can prove you are right, you may win the argument, but you will never make peace.
Below is his weekly e-mail message that we receive. Thought it was particularly practical today.
Winning an Offended Brother
Proverbs 18:19 tells us,
A brother offended is harder to win than a strong city, And contentions are like the bars of a castle.
When this verse refers to a “strong city,” it means a fortified or a guarded city. You cannot just waltz up to the gate of a fortified city and say “give up.” It takes strategic planning to take such a city. You have to think things through and have a plan.
It also means there is going to be strenuous effort involved. And, more than likely, you will be in a vulnerable position. In fact, you don't take a strong city without taking risks, without becoming vulnerable.
The same things come into play when a brother is offended. It takes thoughtful planning, it takes effort, and sometimes you have to become vulnerable when you do not want to be.
Perhaps you are struggling with a damaged relationship today, and you haven't pursued healing this relationship because you don't know how to do it. It always starts with prayer. You talk to God about them and about yourself, and then you need to go and talk to them.
When you do, I want you to listen carefully, it should not be with a view to prove that you are right. Being right is not the goal. Peace is. Most of the time it is more important to be kind than it is to be right.
If you try to work something out, but only with the intention of having them understand your point of view so that you can prove you are right, you may win the argument, but you will never make peace.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
We saw the oncologist this morning, just for a follow up of our visit with the IN Dr. and to have blood work done. He confirmed no treatment at this time and that we just need to hope that it doesn't return. Said most patients like John are usually dead so they don't quite know what to do but agree that if he has chemo now, it won't help them help him in the future - if he needs it. Dr. wanted to see him in eight weeks. I compromised at six weeks. He'll have a CT scan and more blood work before that.
We're very grateful for so much, and although we could certainly have done without all that we have been through, we are very different people than when we started out on this journey. I wouldn't try to explain because I'm not sure there are words in me to do so, and no response from you is required.
We appreciate your continued prayer for John to remain in health and grow in strength and for us to be open to God's leading.
As an encouragement to you all, I want you to know that John is reading his Bible voraciously, with a commitment to read the New Testament each month this year. He is also re-reading many books daily to help with memorization and is amazed at the insights he is gaining. We encourage all of you to read His word daily for a fresh understanding.
This morning I heard a message about character from Woodroll Kroll on Back to the Bible. It really spoke to me. You can read the text or listen via mp3 at: http://www.backtothebible.org/index.php/Today-on-Back-to-the-Bible/Today-on-Back-to-the-Bible.html
Pam
PS - Son, John, has a new blog. I think he is missing his writing days. Check it out: http://apocalypsesomeday.wordpress.com/
We're very grateful for so much, and although we could certainly have done without all that we have been through, we are very different people than when we started out on this journey. I wouldn't try to explain because I'm not sure there are words in me to do so, and no response from you is required.
We appreciate your continued prayer for John to remain in health and grow in strength and for us to be open to God's leading.
As an encouragement to you all, I want you to know that John is reading his Bible voraciously, with a commitment to read the New Testament each month this year. He is also re-reading many books daily to help with memorization and is amazed at the insights he is gaining. We encourage all of you to read His word daily for a fresh understanding.
This morning I heard a message about character from Woodroll Kroll on Back to the Bible. It really spoke to me. You can read the text or listen via mp3 at: http://www.backtothebible.org/index.php/Today-on-Back-to-the-Bible/Today-on-Back-to-the-Bible.html
Pam
PS - Son, John, has a new blog. I think he is missing his writing days. Check it out: http://apocalypsesomeday.wordpress.com/
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Continued Recovery
This is an e-mail that John sent out regarding our visit Christmas week to specialists at Simon Cancer Center at IUPUI in Indianapolis.
Met with Dr. Helft the specialist at IU this afternoon. It was a good trip over and back and he spent a lot of time with us discussing the issues and options.
The bottom line is he is not recommending chemo at this time. My oncologist here hinted that he felt that way as well. We will meet with him next week or so to re discus all of this.
The logic is that the cells growing in my lungs were spread there 5 years ago before treatment started. Not something that has been floating around and landed there recently. They may or may not ever grow into these spots (tumors). Chemo now wouldn't necessarily kill off additional cells and if it affected them at all it may just delay their growth a few months. The surgery I had may have in fact left me disease free perhaps indefinitely or perhaps for (who knows). It is best to see what emerges and go after that (surgery is best). Other factors that support this reasoning are that my tumor marker responds well when these things grow (so it is helpful in keeping tabs on things). Also it is a slow growing disease that shouldn't get out of hand provided surgery is an option.
We will process all of this but feel at this point it is all positive information and a logical plan. I'm thrilled to not undergo chemo. Please keep praying that I remain cancer free.
More later, Love, John
John continues to be content and cheerful, although recovery has perhaps slowed a bit. So much has been going on with the holidays that I forget today is just the three week mark.
Sometimes I have great peace and faith - sometimes not - but for sure, God is using this as an opportunity for more growth and for that we are thankful.
Please keep praying that all the cells in John's body will be structured in a healthy way so that he remains cancer free and that he gains strength. We know God has the power to completely restore his body and ultimately, that is what we hope for.
Met with Dr. Helft the specialist at IU this afternoon. It was a good trip over and back and he spent a lot of time with us discussing the issues and options.
The bottom line is he is not recommending chemo at this time. My oncologist here hinted that he felt that way as well. We will meet with him next week or so to re discus all of this.
The logic is that the cells growing in my lungs were spread there 5 years ago before treatment started. Not something that has been floating around and landed there recently. They may or may not ever grow into these spots (tumors). Chemo now wouldn't necessarily kill off additional cells and if it affected them at all it may just delay their growth a few months. The surgery I had may have in fact left me disease free perhaps indefinitely or perhaps for (who knows). It is best to see what emerges and go after that (surgery is best). Other factors that support this reasoning are that my tumor marker responds well when these things grow (so it is helpful in keeping tabs on things). Also it is a slow growing disease that shouldn't get out of hand provided surgery is an option.
We will process all of this but feel at this point it is all positive information and a logical plan. I'm thrilled to not undergo chemo. Please keep praying that I remain cancer free.
More later, Love, John
John continues to be content and cheerful, although recovery has perhaps slowed a bit. So much has been going on with the holidays that I forget today is just the three week mark.
Sometimes I have great peace and faith - sometimes not - but for sure, God is using this as an opportunity for more growth and for that we are thankful.
Please keep praying that all the cells in John's body will be structured in a healthy way so that he remains cancer free and that he gains strength. We know God has the power to completely restore his body and ultimately, that is what we hope for.
Friday, December 18, 2009
Recovery, Dr. Visits, etc.
John has been doing nicely recovering here at home. This surgery has been easier than the one in Sept. 08 and we are really thankful for that. Still, it is not an easy process but he is a real trooper.
Yesterday, we saw our local oncologist - something I was dreading as it just seems like they never have good news. This visit went pretty well and we were somewhat encouraged. He is sending us to the Simon Cancer Center in Indianapolis for a second opinion. He is not aware of other treatment options but since metastatic colorectal cancer is the IN Dr.'s specialty, he feels we should talk with him.
Dr. Romer (local oncologist) says that he has some patients that have had a recurrence but have remained cancer free after that. He also feels that the cells that grew into the latest tumors were there five years ago, which means it is likely slow growing which is good. With the removal of the tumors, Dr. Romer considers John to be disease free right now and we need to work on fighting a recurrence and that John is still curative. If the IN Dr. does not have a treatment plan, it is likely John will be put on oral Xeloda again.
Your prayers are important, needed and appreciated. Each day brings a new understanding of God, our relationship with Him and a deeper appreciation for one another.
Merry Christmas.
Yesterday, we saw our local oncologist - something I was dreading as it just seems like they never have good news. This visit went pretty well and we were somewhat encouraged. He is sending us to the Simon Cancer Center in Indianapolis for a second opinion. He is not aware of other treatment options but since metastatic colorectal cancer is the IN Dr.'s specialty, he feels we should talk with him.
Dr. Romer (local oncologist) says that he has some patients that have had a recurrence but have remained cancer free after that. He also feels that the cells that grew into the latest tumors were there five years ago, which means it is likely slow growing which is good. With the removal of the tumors, Dr. Romer considers John to be disease free right now and we need to work on fighting a recurrence and that John is still curative. If the IN Dr. does not have a treatment plan, it is likely John will be put on oral Xeloda again.
Your prayers are important, needed and appreciated. Each day brings a new understanding of God, our relationship with Him and a deeper appreciation for one another.
Merry Christmas.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Home
John was discharged from the hospital today, much to our delight.
He is doing extremely well and we're very pleased and thank God for his good progress.
He is doing extremely well and we're very pleased and thank God for his good progress.
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